1: Killing volunteers. It’s not like they’ll miss out on a paycheck.

2: Stealing from poor people. I mean, in the end, you’ll steal less stuff than if you robbed a rich person.

3: Donating to terrorists. A lot of the time we tend to believe this level of passion and commitment should not go unrewarded.

4: Paying your taxes in drug money. Hey, state-funded rehab centers need all the funds they can get.

5: Locking socialists up. They might start to appreciate free-market capitalism when they see how nice the amenities of privately held prisons are.