Removes Protein Daily

I was interviewing somebody yesterday for a janitorial position. The previous janitor quit after Tom’s last diarrhea episode.

Anyways, this guy’s resume stated only one thing: “removes protein daily.”

I normally wouldn’t call somebody in with a resume like that, but I couldn’t get the strange phrase out of my head.

During the interview, the guy, let’s call him Craig, says his duties at his last job included driving around the state and dragging as many meats, nuts, and beans out of grocery stores as he could before security took him down.

Apparently, he worked for some government agency that is heavily supported by vegan and and anti-bean lobbying groups.

He had a badge associated with the agency (wouldn’t tell me the name of it), and would be promptly released after he showed it to the cops.

Craig would hit up 5-7 supermarkets a day and pull the same routine.

I asked him why he wanted to be a janitor. He said he just had a child and didn’t want the injury risks of being tackled by security half a dozen times a day. He wanted something a little more low impact.

I hired him on the spot. Can’t wait to hear the rest of his stories.