Forget the all-too-common Learn More and Shop Now calls to action. These only take us to tired About Us pages and desperate e-commerce sites. It’s time to add some legitimate innovation to our call to action inventory. If you’re a marketer or copywriter, please steal some of these for your next email campaign. Your boss might get pissed, but I bet your click-through rate will go through the roof. I haven’t linked to anything in this list. You’ll just have to imagine the landing pages they could lead to all on your own.

1: Register For An Untimely Death

2: Steal The Credit From Your Direct Reports

3: Buy A Pancreas Today

4: Sprinkle Cherry Sprinkles On My Deathbed

5: Sign Up For COVID-19

6: Break Up With Your Pet Today

7: Add Some Dignity To Your Life

8: Convince Your Kids To Love You

9: Disseminate Misinformation Faster (alternate copy: Join Facebook)

10: Cry Yourself To Sleep

11: Run Away From Responsibilities

12: Donate Your Refund To ISIS

13: Embarrass Your Parents In 5 Easy Steps

14: Sing The Praises Of Suppertime

15: Fall In Love With Corporate America Again

16: Get Help For Your Mild To Severe Love For The Far Right

17: Translate This BS Sales Offer

18: Support Local Apathy

19: End Suburban Prosperity

20: Try Again Next Surgery

21: Increase Cash Bleeding Opportunities

22: Pick Your Own Crisis Of Conscience

23: Cope Through The Boredom Of Life

24: Shop ’Til None Of Your Payments Go To The Principle

25: Forgive Your Dad

26: Apply For Athanasia

27: Sell Your Broken Dreams

28: Hire A Homeless MBA Student

29: Trade Your Feelings For Numbers

30: Become Codependent Today

31: Forget About Injustice

32: Find Average Companionship

33: Pay The Judge Off In 3 Easy Payments

34: Join The Accredited Association Of Fascists

35: Win A Trip To The Therapist (Life Altering Trauma Fully Included In Sale Price)

36: Drop Wallet Weight

37: Curse The Day You Picked Accounting As A Major