1: Stale donuts served before worship. What are our tithes going towards?

2: Misspelling of your graduating senior’s name in the church program. Which intern am I going to have to lovingly correct?

3: Worship leader doesn’t wear a cool hat. We should be trying to be more like Bethel.

4: Pastor’s kids aren’t rebelling. Very sus.

5: Church greeters outdo everybody with their Sunday finest. It’s not a contest, bro.

6: Youth pastor hates video games. An essential component of childcare is missing.

7: You notice that the assistant pastor never picks your chicken pot potluck pie. The leadership here has low discernment.

8: Communion is every week. What are we, Catholic?

9: The speaking in tongues guy won’t stop whispering shabba bo-nanna in your ear whenever he gives you a side-hug. This is not the Spirit.