1: A dazzling capacity for commitment-fueled passion.
2: A moderate sex drive.
3: A sense of disenchantment with previous lovers.
4: Sturdy arms.
5: A bachelor’s degree. Preference goes to candidates with a master’s degree. Immediate marital union is conferred upon applicants with a PhD.
6: A willingness to (at least) consider talking about (potentially) reproducing at some point in the (undecided) future.
7: A plan to repay outstanding personal debts.
8: Proof of ability to forgive minor (and potentially semi-major) sins (both of omission and commission).
9: Basic media literacy.