It’s tough being an archeologist iguana.
You wouldn’t believe how much it costs to get these khaki shirts custom tailored to my fit. And don’t even bring up the cargo pants issue. I don’t wear ‘em.
“No pants,” I told my mentor. I am not gonna start wearin’ pants just because my apprenticeship happens to be in archeology.
Gettin’ stepped on, too. And not figuratively.
I can’t help that I blend in with my workspace. You’d think people would have the decency to watch where they’re going.
But no.
My coworker, Janice “I’m kinda a klutz” Big Toes, blames me every other time she falls on her face. Humans. They’re always braggin’ about their vast transportation systems, yet I swear they’ve forgotten how to walk across the yard. Maybe cause they’re always lookin’ at their phones.
I do wish I had a phone. No carrier will let me sign up for one. Doesn’t make the social life any easier. I bet I’m missin’ out on a lot of invites over group text for drinks after work. I wouldn’t know though, would I?
Gosh darn it. My collar is all messed up again. These claws weren’t made for puttin’ on clothes. And they weren’t made for takin’ a toothbrush and brushing away dirt all day either.
“Fix your attitude,” my mentor is always saying. I tell him to quit complaining about his employees. Let’s just say my last two reviews haven’t been overflowing with praise.
Yeah, the job is not exactly what I imagined it to be. It’s a paid apprenticeship though, so I can’t complain about that…say, what kind of story did you say this interview was for again?
…
Front page of tomorrow’s newspaper:
FIRST EVER ARCHAEOLOGIST IGUANA
Exclusive Interview Reveals He Hates His Job