“I did not want to come here today,” says Kaitlyn. She slumps into the conference room chair and lazily opens her laptop.

It’s 8 a.m. at the office and Kaitlyn has a one on one with Stacy to plan out a last-minute sales pitch they’ll need to jointly deliver tomorrow. Kaitlyn and Stacy work at a software company that sells software to other software companies. They mostly hate it, but the pay is decent and it’s one of the only companies in the city with decent maternity leave.

Stacy smirks and spins in her chair. “I have an idea,” she says.

Kaitlyn sits up and displays her own mischievous grin. “Right now?” she asks.

“Yep, before they get here…”

Kaitlyn and Stacy have a little ritual. Whenever they get overwhelmingly bored (or stressed), they sneak off together and try to steal something from one of the VPs’ offices. Usually, it’s just a pen or can of pop. But sometimes they get a bit riskier.

Once they’re in the hall, Stacy whispers “The Scotch” under her breath.

“You’re kidding,” replies Kaitlyn, but she’s fully on board with the idea.

They do a walk through past all the VPs’ doors to make sure no one is in for the day yet.


Then they circle back to the first door, Kendra’s.

Kendra is the VP of Finance. She’s an important lady with important tastes.

Stacy feigns a knock and opens the unlocked door.

Kaitlyn swoops in and darts to the cabinet in the back corner of the room.

She swipes an unopened $200 bottle and stashes it in her laptop bag.

Stacy looks both ways and signals they’re in the clear.

Thirty-five minutes later, Kendra walks past the glass conference room wall and waves at Stacy and Kaitlyn. They politely wave back and finish up their slide deck for the next day’s pitch.

Stacy giggles as she closes her laptop. “Want to call out sick and meet me at Daly’s Park for a drink?” she asks.

“I am feeling a little under the weather today,” replies Kaitlyn.

Back at their desks, they quickly email their boss, letting her know the deck is done and that they need to rest up for the day to make sure their sniffles don’t turn into something worse.

At the park, they sit in the gazebo and laugh at their silly selves.

“We really are risking this maternity leave,” says Kaitlyn, “I hope we don’t get caught.”

“I don’t really want a baby,” says Stacy.

“Me neither,” replies Kaitlyn.

After a couple hours of feeding the geese and sipping the best Scotch they’ve ever had, Stacy and Kaitlyn call an Uber and head home for a well-deserved nap.