I keep going to the library. Last time I checked, my late fees totaled $57.19. But I haven’t checked in a couple months. They could be over $100 by now.

The librarians all have a deep fear of confrontation. That’s my theory at least. I check out a new book three or four times a week. Each time, I smile and look the librarian in the eye. They never meet my gaze.

Yesterday, I checked out a WWII book. As the librarian, Lisa, took my library card, I asked her if she wanted to go on a date—to dinner at Agostino’s. For the first time in months, Lisa looked straight at me. “I would never go on a date with a man like you.”