In the small town I live in, the only two fast food restaurants are Subway and Taco Johns.

The Subway has a patio.

Six months ago, my friend Sal and I sat on the Subway patio, inhaling our Cold Cut Combos and chocolate chunk cookies.

We saw a bear wander into town.

It walked right down the middle of main street. And stopped in front of Subway.

Sal threw a bag of Fritos at the bear.

As the bear inspected the bag, Mayor Jackie pulled up to the scene on her moped.

She pulled a firearm out of her backpack and shot the bear on-site.

I started puking up my sandwich.

Mayor Jackie didn’t get reelected.

The nature-loving populace could not abide the senseless animal cruelty.

Sal is the mayor now.

All bears are welcome.

Fritos on the house.