Overeating is loads of fun. First of all, it’s one of those special things that work just as well if you plan meticulously or do no planning whatsoever. You can draw a map from the McDonalds drive through to the Burger King front counter and bring a coupon cut days in advance of your binge. Or you can wander into the pantry at 2 p.m. for an entire box of Chicken in a Biskit on a whim. Eating too much provides no barrier to entry for the planners, the spontaneous, or the idiots. If you exclude the food insecure (and most of society does), overeating might just be the most meritocratic pursuit of joy known to humanity.
Second of all, there is a particular type of pleasure in stuffing your face while staring in the face of the uncertainty of life. Your mortality is ever haunting and the only time you can truly laugh at it is in the dark, bliss-rich cave of consuming as many grams of fat, sugar, and sodium as are available to your greedy, sticky little people paws. People get fat because they don’t know if they’re going to live past 30. A youthful fatness is a sign of a humble being who knows that their days are but numbered. We should treasure these meek souls—those that travel the earth with a trembling respect for the black hole of eternity—those that never skimp on snacks when invited to a party—those that spend the last $23 in their bank account to order pizza for the crew when everybody is drunk at 1 a.m. Let no pleasure escape. We salute you.
Finally, overeating is so much fun because each episode feels like its own mini-accomplishment. Two Chipotle burritos? Cake and pie? An entire two-liter of Mountain Dew? These little victories are the badges we internally reward ourselves with, the stories we get to tell our awe-inspired friends. There are no participation awards for eating a reasonable lunch. Only gold medals for the double-cheeseburger-and-chocolate-shake-on-a-Monday-morning type of breakfasts. And these wins are not without their price. Not all of your horrified friends are willing to put up with the gas, the bloating, or the frequent trips to the bathroom that you are willing to endure for the prize. Overeaters are winners. Overeaters have so much fun.